Week 5: Support for Separated Families

As a private citizen, I feel perturbed by the fact that Tiger Woods had to make a public statement about his private life. Yes, Tiger is an extremely talented individual who has the opportunity to express his talent in a profession that is inherently high profile. He does not have the luxury of working in an office building where only his co-workers know his name while he appears as nothing more than a phantom to rest of those around him. He does not have the luxury of flying under the radar if something goes terribly wrong in his private life which does not affect his ability to get the job done.

Wait a minute, working in an office is a luxury compared to “working” on the greatest golf courses around the world? Yes, from a privacy aspect, it is a luxury. When life crumbles around those of us who are not public figures, we can still go out in the world without the majority of the people knowing what happened or assuming they have the right to demand explanations. We have a built-in sense of security and comfort that allows us time and space to sort through our problems at our own pace.

I have known super intelligent individuals who were highly skilled at producing results in their respective professions. I have seen some of them take a few missteps in their private lives which hurt the people who cared about them but did not affect their job performance. However, I did not see their superiors, co-workers, neighbors, and strangers following them around pressing for comments, salacious details, or public apologies. Instead, I saw people reaching out to offer support. Grant it, some people did turn their backs. A few people did attempt to exploit the situation and bury these professionals for their choices outside of the workplace. Yet, others simply offered support.

I do not agree with Tiger’s personal choices. I am not in any way saying that his actions were okay. Excusable? No, not in my opinion. Forgivable? That depends on the parties involved which are his wife, himself, and his Higher Power. I will not probe the specifics of Tiger’s life and latest events any further in this article. I do not feel it’s any of my business nor do I believe this is the proper forum for such a discussion.

An Opportunity to Heal

However, as a representative of the International Freedom Coalition and the Walk a Week in Your Shoes campaign to Celebrate Strong Families, I would like to use the Woods’ situation as an opportunity to flood the internet, our conversations, and our conscious minds with something positive, something educational, something uplifting, something healing.

Share Your Story

For men and women who have found themselves in a domestic situation similar to that of the Woods’, I invite you to share how your family overcame such a challenge. What were the issues and how did you resolve them? Even if the partnership ended in separation or divorce, how did you maintain a strong relationship with your children and ex-spouse? How did you apply the lessons from that challenge to create stronger bonds in subsequent relationships?

Please share your story as a comment to this post on our official Sights ‘n Sounds Blog to offer real-world guidance to a family who may be struggling for solutions right now.

In forgiveness,

Posted via email from Walk a Week in Your Shoes

I can see clearly now. I needed the entire week of nothingness to clear out the cobwebs of old beliefs so that new and improved ones could shine through. The dilemma—should I stay or should I go. Should I continue my trailblazing efforts to keep children safe or should I stay at home with my mother until she has had her surgery and recovered? The answer I kept hearing immediately and unimpeded was “both.”

I didn’t get it. “Come on, God, how can I possibly do both if I am not out there walking the Walk?”

He only replied, “Take as much time as you need to see the truth.”

“The truth?” I asked with puzzlement clogging my hearing, a sense of duty clouding my understanding. “The truth, kind Sir, is that kids are suffering right now. This Walk cannot stop. I cannot stop. When I can stop hearing their cries and seeing their faces peeking around the corner and feeling their bruises, then I can stop. You’ve made no provisions to stifle my sensitivity so I cannot in good conscience stop walking. You’re making no sense to me right now!”

The truth is—if I am honest with myself—I knew the truth in November when I attended my nephew Kendrick’s football playoff game and burst into tears on his first carry. The truth is after each play date with my five year old nephew Cory, the impulse to play a little longer grew stronger. The truth is the idea of missing Kendrick’s senior baseball season never sat well with me. The truth is I knew Mother would be having surgery while I was on the road, but I never felt at peace about not being with her.

My mother has an aortic aneurysm which, according to WebMD, “is a bulge in a section of the aorta, the body’s main artery. The aorta carries oxygen-rich blood from the heart to the rest of the body. Because the section with the aneurysm is overstretched and weak, it can burst. If the aorta bursts, it can cause serious bleeding that can quickly lead to death.”

The normal diameter limit of the aorta is 3.9 cm. At 5 cm, patients face serious risk of the aorta bursting. My mom’s aorta measures 4.5 cm at last check. The preliminary test that she was scheduled to have one week before Walk a Week in Your Shoes began was needed to show her cardiologist and the surgeons the current measurements. However, someone dropped the ball and failed to order proper sedation for her to undergo the test. The MRI was then rescheduled for January 22, one week after I started the Walk. They still failed to order the proper sedation. Another two weeks passed with her trying and failing to secure a proper appointment for the test. Last Monday, February 8^th, I accompanied her to the visit with her cardiologist originally intended to review the test results and make a determination for surgery.

After much wrangling, the cardiologist’s office finally secured the right type of appointment for the test. An unknown undercurrent of anxiety in my own heart dammed to complete stillness when I heard the words “April 14^th is the earliest appointment they have available.”

My heart kept beating, but I couldn’t feel the blood flowing. I felt as if one big wave of divine knowing gently lapped over my chest and dashed all doubts, quenched all questions, wiped out all worry.

Nonetheless, my spirit-programmed mind marched ahead. “You have to stay, Sapphire. There is no way you can leave until this situation is resolved… Well, I have to go. I have to get back on the road. I must keep this thing going. There are 5.5 million kids in America alone who need this right now. Not to mention the millions of kids around the world. What about the kids in Haiti? I made a commitment to God and to every child on this planet that I would do whatever it took to keep them happy, to keep them safe. I just have to suck it up and deal with it. I’ll be okay… Yes, you might, there is no doubt. But, will your mother be okay? Will your family be okay? What if the aneurysm is at 4.9 cm right now and nobody knows? What if April 14^th never comes? Then what?… This is my call to duty and I must follow it… Fine, is it worth it?… Yes, absolutely… Are you serious?… I don’t know.”

And that’s where I was last week. That was my state of mind, not my state of heart. My conscious awareness needed time to catch up to what God had placed in my heart. I have no idea what I would do without my mother. My grandmother has been gone for seven years now and that still seems unreal to me. No matter how much I wish it to be, Mother is not immortal either. What would I do if something happened and I was out on the road? Even though it is certainly a worthy cause for which I gladly sacrifice my body, my time, and my energy, in the end, is pursuing it worth losing precious time with my mom? Despite what may seem obvious, the answer to this question did not come as a no-brainer for me.

When I regained my sense of self and reclaimed the sense of innocence and freedom that I once believed was lost to me at the hand of my abusers, I whole-heartedly vowed that no child on this Earth would ever question their worth because of how someone mistreated him or her. I made an oath that every child on this planet would be free to be him or herself without fear of being taken advantage of; they would be free to grow into healthy adults even if I had to die for it. In the absence of a strong connection with my family as a result of my traumas and as a result of living alone for nearly a decade, my work became my number one priority.

I am like a tigress ready to rip anyone and anything apart who threatens to encroach upon my renewed sense of freedom. That freedom first manifested in a physical pilgrimage four years ago when I resigned as an engineer, sold my home, gave away my possessions, bought a backpack, and headed to Europe. The very act of leaving it all behind, shucking the rules to follow only the path that God revealed to me, became my idea of freedom.

Since returning to the States two years ago, I reconnected with my family on a deep level. My time with them has been unbelievable. As cliché as it may sound, no one could have paid me to believe that I would have the relationship and closeness with them that I have today. While that is important to me, my life’s work and my freedom are my life. Until now.

When I first received the vision for this Walk, I knew it would transform my life. You cannot pursue something this great and remain the same. Yet, I did not have a clue about what God had planned for me. With the news regarding Mother, He is putting me in the position to prioritize family or work, family or this so-called sense of freedom. Since my work is His work, I feel guilty that I am not fulfilling my purpose on this earth if I fail to realize the visions He gives me. I feel like I am useless unless I am out there blazing the trail. I feel like I will lose my freedom if I don’t get back on the road with my backpack. How can I choose between God, freedom, and family? How can I give up one for the other?

“Come on, God, how can I possibly do both if I am not out there walking the Walk?”

He only replied, “Take as much time as you need to see the truth.”

The truth is my family is the most important aspect of my life now. It wasn’t before, not really. I was naïve enough to believe that since I did not have a family of my own, I did not need to consider the impact of my decisions on my immediate family. But family is family, and I have to take care of home first. I am now being called to do just that—take care of home first.

Over this past week, I came to realize that God is not asking me to choose one or the other. He is not asking me to give up something that means the world to me or that literally means the world to Him. He is cleverly setting things right again. He efficiently and effectively put things in proper perspective for me again. He does not want His work to take precedence over family. This is what He is showing me, and I am just starting to feel comfortable accepting that notion. I would not be alive if God had not refused to let me go because I tried. I tried to leave this earth. For that, I owe my life to Him. But I also would not be here if it were not for my family.

I do not hesitate to sacrifice my body, my time, and my energy for the safety of children. However, I will not sacrifice my family. And freedom? Freedom is not so much a state of doing as it is a state of being. I get that now. Yes, walking, backpacking, and doing the unexpected bring me a sense of freedom. But, over the past two years, I have discovered that I feel free when I am playing with Cory, attending Kendrick’s games, watching a Christmas movie with my mom, talking to my sister, swapping jewelry with my niece, listening to my brothers, chatting with my sister-in-law, teasing my nephew Kevin, and checking up on my nephew Vic.

I don’t have to walk the nation with a backpack to be free. I am free. Finally.

I also don’t have to be a literal trailblazer to make a difference. My unyielding passion and motivation is making a difference in ways that I cannot see.

Now, I am being led to fast this week, get super connected with Spirit, and receive His guidance on how He wants the Coalition to proceed with Walk a Week in Your Shoes. I know God is going to show me how to do all three— have my family while doing His work and maintaining that sense of freedom that I need.

Until then, express gratitude to your family today.

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Being grounded for the last 18 days afforded me the opportunity to make significant progress on the virtual stack of behind-the-scenes work that relentlessly piled up. The absence of updates caused a friend to message me and ask if I was hit by car! No!

I have been keeping my nose to the grindstone despite my distaste for semi-permanently gluing my behind to a chair with a laptop fused to the tops of my legs. I like to be mobile. I must have movement. I needed to walk, but I couldn’t. I swallowed it and marched on in another way, pushing myself on the inevitable premise that I would soon be out on the road again. After all, my mom’s car was finally repaired last week which meant I could make it back to Eagle Lake to resume the Walk and leave home base for good. But Monday, while accompanying Mother to the doctor for what I thought would have been the last time before I left, I received more news that could potentially alter the course of the Walk.

I have spent these last days in a state of perpetual meditation to ponder the decision that I must now make – how must the Coalition proceed with the Walk. Although the intense introspection over the past couple of days yielded the direction that God wants me to take, I still need to spend a little more time in quiet reflection to accept His terms. I shall explain fully in my next post.

Until then,

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As I wake up this morning with the clarity of my mind equaling the near completion of my final, final preparations, I can see that I need to thank a few people for their efforts in this project. All the divine “mishaps” over the past week have brought to the forefront just how special my family is which has only added fuel to my resolve for completing the Walk. Without a moment’s hesitation, they have rallied behind me to offer support, encouragement, and much needed funds to purchase items essential to its success.

However, there are a few others who are working just as hard to ensure that the Coalition as well as the project achieves its goals. Monica L. Coleman of The Servant Media and Marvinique Hill of Accounting Analysis & Consulting, LLC comprise the remaining Core Members of the Coalition and supply executive leadership in their areas of expertise. Monica, Chief Communications Officer of the Coalition, is our media specialist while Marvinique, Chief Financial Officer, is ensuring that the Coalition is financially structured for growth and compliance. Like most entrepreneurs, they are overloaded with their own business concerns. Yet, they still find ways to contribute their time, talents, and business resources to the cause. I know without a doubt that neither the Coalition nor this project would have advanced to its present state without their involvement. Thank you, thank you, thank you, Ladies!

I also want to say a special thank you to my sister, Felicia, who not only offered support on the road this past week but who is also working just as hard as the Walk’s Project Manager. Currently, her bachelor’s degree studies in Business Administration place high demands on her time. Yet, just like Monica and Marvinique, she is also juggling the demands of the organization. While I envisioned having a project manager for each of the several components of the Walk, Felicia is it! Besides, she is my sister meaning that she allows me to express myself no holds barred. That takes a LOT of strength! As a byproduct of my spiritual journey back to whole-life health, I no longer hide or dampen the truth of my emotions. If I am feeling overwhelmed, I express it. If I am feeling sad, I express it. If I am feeling joyous, I express it. Thus, at times I am super loud when I am happy (which is always great when I have my little nephew around! We can be loud together!), maybe a bit too forceful (for some) when I need to get my point across, and always, always grateful even when I fail to say so in the moment. So, MeMe, thank you, thank you, thank you! I prayed over and over again to God to make sure that I had at least one person who knew me and with whom I could be 100% me during this Walk. He chose you, and I concur!

Over this past week, I have been so focused on what I didn’t have that I forgot to acknowledge and show complete gratitude for everything and everyone that I do have. I know it is so easy to do especially when working on a project that I am passionate about. However, I must always, always remember first and foremost that at any given moment in time, God is making sure that I have everything that I need even if I think I should have more. I have everything that I need in this moment. I am completely provided for in this moment. This is God’s Walk, and He will make sure that it progresses and succeeds according to His plan and His vision… not mine.

Therefore, one final thank you, thank you, thank you is in order for the Divine Spirit who is orchestrating this entire adventure. Please continue to show me the way.

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My interview appears during the second half of the show but please listen to the entire show from the beginning. Pam Powell who spoke before me had an awesome message. I was so pumped by the time it was my turn to speak!

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Posted via email from Walk a Week in Your Shoes

Posted via email from Walk a Week in Your Shoes